‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ is a throat provoking film.

Posted in Twitter on January 22nd, 2012 by admin

Playing a ‘Club Mix’ in a nightclub is like serving Bombay Mix in India.

Posted in Twitter on January 20th, 2012 by admin

There’s a lot of churnalism in the Dairy Mail.

Posted in Twitter on January 19th, 2012 by admin

A clock chimes 156 times a day. There must be angels with, like, 15 wings sprouting from their backs.

Posted in Twitter on January 18th, 2012 by admin

We don't pay enough attention to ceilings, considering they're the last thing most of us will ever see.

Posted in Twitter on January 17th, 2012 by admin

"Behind every great man is a great woman, then a great man, then a great woman…" (from 'Award Winning Conga Lines', 2006)

Posted in Twitter on January 17th, 2012 by admin

Remember: it might be worse.

Posted in Twitter on January 17th, 2012 by admin

I like that tune David Guetta does.

Posted in Twitter on January 16th, 2012 by admin

If someone's boring me on Facebook, I send a "Hey how've you been/I'm feeling pretty low" message. They don't post anything public for days.

Posted in Twitter on January 16th, 2012 by admin

FRIEND: "I can't even remember the last thing I remember."

Posted in Twitter on January 15th, 2012 by admin

I have good friends, a loving family, robust health. I'm rich in so many ways, except the ones that count.

Posted in Twitter on January 15th, 2012 by admin

It's 'Triumph-over-adverSaturday'.

Posted in Twitter on January 14th, 2012 by admin

At some point today, I want you to thank autocorrect for existing, in spite of everything. This is what I want you to do.

Posted in Twitter on January 14th, 2012 by admin

"Put down the camera! EXPERIENCE life!" – Is it full of people like you saying stuff like that?

Posted in Twitter on January 14th, 2012 by admin

Everyone but you is psychic. We're just being polite.

Posted in Twitter on January 13th, 2012 by admin

Plato was lonely. He just couldn't escape the 'Friend Zone'.

Posted in Twitter on January 12th, 2012 by admin

If you've never melted a chocolate bar in the microwave then you're not truly alive and it won't count as murder.

Posted in Twitter on January 12th, 2012 by admin

[INT: Family kitchen] [CLOSE-UP: Gas burner] [Harrowing domestic abuse scene follows]

Posted in Twitter on January 12th, 2012 by admin

People that 'give up booze for January' really help make a dreary month drearier. Thank you.

Posted in Twitter on January 7th, 2012 by admin

FOURTH COMMENTER: Your serious and thoughtful input makes me respect you as a lonely man.

Posted in Twitter on January 7th, 2012 by admin

Making small talk with Oscar Wilde must have been a chore.

Posted in Twitter on January 7th, 2012 by admin

Your favourite poem cannot be the lyrics to a song. Or 'the sound of rain against my window'.

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

The Internet started as a military experiment to make it easier to murder strangers.

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

"But that's incongruous!"

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

The Space Bar is a DMZ between the two 'Alt' keys.

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin