‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ is a throat provoking film.

Posted in Twitter on January 22nd, 2012 by admin

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Playing a ‘Club Mix’ in a nightclub is like serving Bombay Mix in India.

Posted in Twitter on January 20th, 2012 by admin

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There’s a lot of churnalism in the Dairy Mail.

Posted in Twitter on January 19th, 2012 by admin

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A clock chimes 156 times a day. There must be angels with, like, 15 wings sprouting from their backs.

Posted in Twitter on January 18th, 2012 by admin

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We don't pay enough attention to ceilings, considering they're the last thing most of us will ever see.

Posted in Twitter on January 17th, 2012 by admin

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"Behind every great man is a great woman, then a great man, then a great woman…" (from 'Award Winning Conga Lines', 2006)

Posted in Twitter on January 17th, 2012 by admin

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Remember: it might be worse.

Posted in Twitter on January 17th, 2012 by admin

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I like that tune David Guetta does.

Posted in Twitter on January 16th, 2012 by admin

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If someone's boring me on Facebook, I send a "Hey how've you been/I'm feeling pretty low" message. They don't post anything public for days.

Posted in Twitter on January 16th, 2012 by admin

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FRIEND: "I can't even remember the last thing I remember."

Posted in Twitter on January 15th, 2012 by admin

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I have good friends, a loving family, robust health. I'm rich in so many ways, except the ones that count.

Posted in Twitter on January 15th, 2012 by admin

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It's 'Triumph-over-adverSaturday'.

Posted in Twitter on January 14th, 2012 by admin

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At some point today, I want you to thank autocorrect for existing, in spite of everything. This is what I want you to do.

Posted in Twitter on January 14th, 2012 by admin

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"Put down the camera! EXPERIENCE life!" – Is it full of people like you saying stuff like that?

Posted in Twitter on January 14th, 2012 by admin

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Everyone but you is psychic. We're just being polite.

Posted in Twitter on January 13th, 2012 by admin

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Plato was lonely. He just couldn't escape the 'Friend Zone'.

Posted in Twitter on January 12th, 2012 by admin

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If you've never melted a chocolate bar in the microwave then you're not truly alive and it won't count as murder.

Posted in Twitter on January 12th, 2012 by admin

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[INT: Family kitchen] [CLOSE-UP: Gas burner] [Harrowing domestic abuse scene follows]

Posted in Twitter on January 12th, 2012 by admin

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People that 'give up booze for January' really help make a dreary month drearier. Thank you.

Posted in Twitter on January 7th, 2012 by admin

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FOURTH COMMENTER: Your serious and thoughtful input makes me respect you as a lonely man.

Posted in Twitter on January 7th, 2012 by admin

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Making small talk with Oscar Wilde must have been a chore.

Posted in Twitter on January 7th, 2012 by admin

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Your favourite poem cannot be the lyrics to a song. Or 'the sound of rain against my window'.

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

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The Internet started as a military experiment to make it easier to murder strangers.

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

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"But that's incongruous!"

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

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The Space Bar is a DMZ between the two 'Alt' keys.

Posted in Twitter on January 6th, 2012 by admin

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